The Walk
She closed her eyes. The train rocked and the morning sun warmed her through the window glass. The aroma of coffee met her nose, even though the coffee she held in her hands was everything but aromatic. It was the idea of good coffee that excited her senses.
Now she strolls through the castle park, stepping lightly over the soft ground. She breathes deeply and the tender aroma of coffee blends with the sharp odor of fallen vegetation flooding the park in the dampness of early morning, before the late-summer rays of sunlight, aided by their ally, causing with its light breath the leaves to dance, smuggle themselves through the thick crowns of the century-old oaks.
She draws in the energy of the nature surrounding her, the oxygen which the plants release from themselves, that byproduct of their life-giving relationship with the light of the sun. It floods through her body, presses into her, causes each of her cells to pulse, giving birth to a feeling of absolute and infinite energy. She tears her mouth open wide, as if to scream, and swallows the tiny, unseen particles with her ovally formed lips.
“Stop it” - the light resistance of the wind tears her out of her inner ecstasy. The flow of energy slows. The pulse becomes a slight shudder. The cool, airy breath of the wind that climbs over her arms to her neck emits a pleasant, exhilarating warmth, like the touch of a tender hand of someone dear. She closes her eyes to surrender unconditionally to the feeling of complete security. But the cool breeze weakens, the air around her becomes increasingly heavy, suffocating. The round, light particles of oxygen combine in a fateful liaison with the carbonmonoxyde. She glances to all sides: people, cars, the city - she has left the park.
The feeling that accompanies the separation with a lover overcame her suddenly… She opened the eyes.
“Were you having a nice dream?” –she hadn’t as yet noticed the man who now smiled at her. “Yes, I was.” - glance to the window. She’d missed her stop… “Thanks to you I’ve missed my stop. It was so lovely, watching you dream.” he said, smiling at her.
Now she strolls through the castle park, stepping lightly over the soft ground. She breathes deeply and the tender aroma of coffee blends with the sharp odor of fallen vegetation flooding the park in the dampness of early morning, before the late-summer rays of sunlight, aided by their ally, causing with its light breath the leaves to dance, smuggle themselves through the thick crowns of the century-old oaks.
She draws in the energy of the nature surrounding her, the oxygen which the plants release from themselves, that byproduct of their life-giving relationship with the light of the sun. It floods through her body, presses into her, causes each of her cells to pulse, giving birth to a feeling of absolute and infinite energy. She tears her mouth open wide, as if to scream, and swallows the tiny, unseen particles with her ovally formed lips.
“Stop it” - the light resistance of the wind tears her out of her inner ecstasy. The flow of energy slows. The pulse becomes a slight shudder. The cool, airy breath of the wind that climbs over her arms to her neck emits a pleasant, exhilarating warmth, like the touch of a tender hand of someone dear. She closes her eyes to surrender unconditionally to the feeling of complete security. But the cool breeze weakens, the air around her becomes increasingly heavy, suffocating. The round, light particles of oxygen combine in a fateful liaison with the carbonmonoxyde. She glances to all sides: people, cars, the city - she has left the park.
The feeling that accompanies the separation with a lover overcame her suddenly… She opened the eyes.
“Were you having a nice dream?” –she hadn’t as yet noticed the man who now smiled at her. “Yes, I was.” - glance to the window. She’d missed her stop… “Thanks to you I’ve missed my stop. It was so lovely, watching you dream.” he said, smiling at her.
2 comments:
Not bad! Only one thing was bothering me a bit. You should keep everything in th same tense. The first paragraph is past tense, and the rest is present active.
Other than that, not bad.
Clublint: Thank you for the nice comment & yes, the stories will be about people I see in subways, trains etc. Sometimes they are real, sometimes just an idea but the inspiration comes almost everytime during a journey.
Frank: I intended it to be this way to differentiate the dream from the reality but also i see what you mean. Thank you too for your insight.
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